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Name: Elvia
Birthday: 6/28/1990
Gender: Female
Interests:
....I'll do this later.
General Info:
Height: 5'2''
Original Weight: 115lbs
Current Weight: 104lbs
Goal Weight: 98lbs
Original BMI: 21
Current BMI: 19
Goal BMI:14
Original body fat percentage: 21%
Current body fat percentage: 17%
Goal body fat percentage: 12%
Current Hair Length: 6in
Goal Hair Length: 18in
Vegan
Straightedge
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  ElloElvia
Member Since:
9/5/2004
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| I'm so done with it.
And btw, unprofessional people get on my nerves. I've learned to conduct myself with others. People can be sooo informal and low-class in manner. It's not okay by me.
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| :) Get out, and STAY OUT! hahah
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| I'm crying right now. Today was such a great day until I ate. I put on my dress and my heels, set off to have a beautiful day, feeling beautiful because I went back down to 102lbs. from 110 two days ago :O!
And now I'm so sad. I came home and can't do my research papers. I'm just thinking about how much I want to go out, be out, or stay in but be embraced by someone, someone that makes me feel safe. But no one does. And I don't give anyone the chance anyway. Only one person, but I can't trust that person, and it breaks my heart. He's the only one I can let hug me, but I don't' feel safe, and when we touch, all the bad memories come back, all the ways he hurt me.
I can't talk to my friends. I'm learning to cut them off. I can't deal with it right now. I don't like what's happening right now. I did a little while ago.
What happened was I decided to have tofu and veggies... and then it started all over again. I can't stop. I hate this. I'm going to throw it up after I write this. Just one last time. No, I'm not going to lie. I wish I could stop, but more than that, I wish there was something that could keep me from starting, something to fill me before I turn to fulfillment from something that hurts me and makes me hate myself.
I'm sorry, but why does nothing feel like it's about me? Nothing feels like it's about me. When they tell me they like me, they want to hang out, when they talk to me, when they call me, I knowww... it's not about me. It's all lies and selfishness.
I pray to God, if you're out there, please make this stop. Show me there's someone that can hug me and make me feel safe. I just want one of those hugs. And I think everything would be okay.
And no, I don't like who I was. I don't miss who I was. I just want this to end. I want to move on...
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| "Skinny bitch"
"100 pounds"
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| Don't worry. I caught myself in time. I stopped 3/4 through the granola and soy yogurt. I threw up all I could. Wtf was I thinking, eating all of that. Gross.
So I'm good while I'm busy. I'm happy and active and alive. When I think, "okay, I want this, no I want this, or should I have this?" That's when it's all about cravings and I eat something I swear is for my hunger. What hunger? Then my tummy hurts and I regret it. My stomach doesn't even want that food. I swear, my body was asking me to throw up. I feel so much better now. Keep me busy, keep me active, play with me, talk to me.
Anyway, when will I learn. Food is not my friend >:[. It's coming out anyway. And if it tastes so gross coming out, wtf is it doing going inside of me. Btw, orange food and spicy food are the worst. Orange looks disgusting, spicy food burns coming out.
Did I tell you, I love myself :).
Stephanie, I love you.
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